My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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