Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
