omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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