Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
