dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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