Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
