I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
