Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
