ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
