He asked to "fluff my boner.."
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
