Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
