I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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