come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
