somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
