i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
