I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
