You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
