you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
