I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
