Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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