The police scanner is talking about you again....
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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