I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
