K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
