I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
