so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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