his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
