onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Holy sore nipples Batman
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
