I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
