Texts From Last Night

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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive

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  (814): I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive http://tfl.nu/iqgu
  Replies (7) Good night (2049) Bad night (602)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance

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  (801): The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance http://tfl.nu/4nxj
  Replies (10) Good night (4545) Bad night (590)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?

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  (865): you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him? http://tfl.nu/jkhm
  Replies (5) Good night (896) Bad night (3588)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  or abortion recommendation cards.

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  (405): do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards? (405): or abortion recommendation cards. http://tfl.nu/knt8
  Replies (17) Good night (1240) Bad night (3309)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.

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  (509): she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age. http://tfl.nu/4icz
  Replies (31) Good night (749) Bad night (8592)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?

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  (352): Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose? http://tfl.nu/yztp
  Replies (23) Good night (4745) Bad night (773)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.

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  (504): Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone. http://tfl.nu/v2z6
  Replies (14) Good night (3042) Bad night (1044)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?

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  (208): This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy? http://tfl.nu/c53s
  Replies (13) Good night (1054) Bad night (2982)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.

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  (607): Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like. http://tfl.nu/4oye
  Replies (3) Good night (736) Bad night (493)
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  (951): View more from California

  I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.

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  (951): I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays. http://tfl.nu/owjt
  Replies (0) Good night (312) Bad night (737)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me

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  (954): You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me http://tfl.nu/uohb
  Replies (2) Good night (719) Bad night (290)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."

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  (570): You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG." http://tfl.nu/j0ai
  Replies (0) Good night (581) Bad night (299)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny

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  (919): You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny http://tfl.nu/d0i4
  Replies (4) Good night (840) Bad night (317)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.

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  (614): Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month. http://tfl.nu/2n60
  Replies (4) Good night (617) Bad night (336)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....

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  (717): I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan.... http://tfl.nu/dpdm
  Replies (3) Good night (323) Bad night (410)

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