someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
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She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?