Your mouth is God's brothel.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
