K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.