Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases

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  (702): if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases http://tfl.nu/a7z7
  Replies (13) Good night (809) Bad night (2949)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation

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  (828): so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation http://tfl.nu/xwig
  Replies (33) Good night (15136) Bad night (912)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you

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  (251): you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you http://tfl.nu/7a0u
  Replies (58) Good night (12409) Bad night (1276)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."

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  (801): What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director." http://tfl.nu/kql1
  Replies (7) Good night (1002) Bad night (3939)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.

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  (519): you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner. http://tfl.nu/pwti
  Replies (7) Good night (3631) Bad night (835)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me

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  (260): I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me http://tfl.nu/3lh5
  Replies (6) Good night (935) Bad night (2999)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.

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  (402): I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes. http://tfl.nu/zfk3
  Replies (9) Good night (3305) Bad night (1491)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car

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  (412): At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car http://tfl.nu/wr7k
  Replies (9) Good night (1986) Bad night (1181)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.

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  (443): we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out. http://tfl.nu/gq5i
  Replies (9) Good night (2573) Bad night (877)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.

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  (760): She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid. http://tfl.nu/c9kh
  Replies (3) Good night (634) Bad night (1450)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.

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  (+44): We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate. http://tfl.nu/gets
  Replies (8) Good night (1995) Bad night (655)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.

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  (352): I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father. http://tfl.nu/ymcy
  Replies (2) Good night (721) Bad night (992)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.

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  (701): Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead. http://tfl.nu/7ubq
  Replies (0) Good night (626) Bad night (310)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.

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  (717): There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing. http://tfl.nu/cfbw
  Replies (5) Good night (893) Bad night (466)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable

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  (303): If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable http://tfl.nu/85jq
  Replies (0) Good night (279) Bad night (475)

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