Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
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Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
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Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.