the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just sent this text using only my big toe
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
