i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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