I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
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I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
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ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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