is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
