finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize