Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
