I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
