I got chris browned last night
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
