Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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