I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
