matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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