speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
