you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
