You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
