Who did Billy Mays play for?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
