Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You made out with two different species that night
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
