I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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