Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
