I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
