I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
