Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
