Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I need to align my fucking chakras
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