I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
