i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
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When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
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I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
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