ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
