onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
