its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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