New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
