knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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