The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So. Much. Porn.
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