Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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