You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
