I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
