Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
