My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
