If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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